Assault and Buttery

The other day I decided to see how much popcorn I could eat in one sitting. I invited my friends over to observe, just in case I exploded and needed someone to clean up the mess. Oh, don't worry, it's happened many times before; just a little dust bustering does the trick, a quick trip to the Reconsolidator, and I'm back to my normal self, none the wiser. That, of course, is the problem.

At any rate, there I was on the 3rd floor of the Metreon, behind the counter, scarfing up as much popcorn as I could fit into my gaping maw, occasionally sipping melted 'butter' and gargling with it. Incidentally, what IS that 'butter' stuff they make? Is it based on anything in nature at all? Personally, I think it's made from the refined souls of all the previous employees of every movie theater ever built, swirling around madly in the heated crucible of tormented and unfulfilled desires... that, or canola oil.

Anyway, I was quickly reaching grotesque proportions, my distended belly beginning to overlap the counter and poking out into the line of patrons waiting to get their movie snacks. Fortunately, I'm immaterial and invisible to most of them, or there might have been a panic.

I was gobbling it all down contentedly when the Skook decided it would be hilarious to drop the contents of a few bottles of hot sauce into the popcorn reservoir... just, you know, to see what would happen.

Now, I've never been to school. My education consists mostly of television, movies, and the occasional hard knock. I never took chemistry classes. I don't know if what happened next was in accordance with the known physical laws of the universe or not.

The instant the first bite of poisoned popcorn hit my tongue, I knew something was wrong, but I was in the middle of a frenzy and couldn't stop if my life depended on it, which, of course, it did. In the interest of time, I'm going to continue this post tomorrow, as I need to really research the proper way to describe what then occurred. Watch this space!

New York, Paris, London, Munich
Everybody's talkin' 'bout Pop Music
-- "Pop Music", M