Elevator Action

Barrooooo! I'm back, everyone... thanks for everyone who left comments on my short fiction! I've got it out of my system now, and all it took was penicillin!

A question, O Learned Readers: Why put mirrors in elevators? It's awkward enough to just stand there amidst strangers and wait for your stop. With mirrors, you can't even look away; you end up meeting the eyes of your fellow passenger, who invariably makes that face. You know the one: lips pressed together, not quite a smile, eyebrows raised, eyes looking to the side -- what the hell is this expression meant to indicate? Some guesses:

• I'm afraid to tell you how much I love you
• I'm sorry, I can't fix your life
• Boy, how about those Mets?
• Love me... LOVE ME
• I wonder what Starscream is doing right now?

What's worse: I've seen elevators with mirrors only on the ceiling. Seriously, WTF? You can't even look up at them without everyone watching you crane your neck way back, and for what? To look down an unsuspecting woman's blouse? The whole trip is now spent desperately trying not to give in to the impulse to look up. I suppose you can maybe get away with doing a whole 'childlike wonder' thing, but that doesn't really work if you're carrying a briefcase and wearing a tie; no, if you're a corporate whore, you've pretty much digested your inner child by now.

Here's my idea for dealing with mirrors in elevators: portable disco ball. Step into the elevator, turn on the ball, and watch things go from drab to fab! Force people to get the funk out! Make going to the elevator a fun event! Or simply throw those tired, grey executives into sharp relief! Listen, it's a cold, cold world out there; do anything you can to make your day magical! I'm back, kids, thanks for waiting! Would you like fries with that?

You'd better listen; this is true
My knife is simple, part of it I hold
The other part of it's for you
A girl needs a knife
A girl needs a knife
A girl needs a knife
And I've got mine
-- "A Girl Needs a Knife", the Flash Girls