Burning Questions Redux!
The mighty Shockwave Plasma has seen fit to bestow upon me the following questions, to which I must answer or face the forfeit:
Q: Does a Witch weigh more than a Duck? And can you build a bridge from her?
A: Witches weigh more heavily on the mind than ducks do. And I can build a bridge from a witch to anywhere you desire, given enough time and Lincoln Logs.
Q: Why do Superheros wear their underwear on the outside?
A: Little-known fact: they wear underwear ALSO on the inside; there are two pairs in total. The reason for that is simple: outright cussedness. Do you know how full of yourself you need to be to put on a costume and fight crime in the streets? Believe me, I've considered it. So, given that, just think of the sheer, unmitigated gall of your average super do-gooder, to display behavior that would get any normal person locked up in record time, flaunting it in the knowledge that no one, but no one would even approach such a person to ask them to please could you tone it down, there are kids present.
That, and the fact that having two pairs on helps hide the fact that they're beating folks up while sporting erections. Yes. Superheroes are sick bastards. Lock up your sons and daughters.
Q: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen African swallow?
A: Swallow (swah'low): To cause (food or drink, for example) to pass through the mouth and throat into the stomach. Given that, your question borders on the ridiculous. Get thee to an elementary school.
Q: Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
A: Think for yourself the last time you've been able to scream, cry, poop yourself, run around banging things, breastfeed, cavort naked, and endlessly repeat things that others say, all without reprisal of any sort, and you'll realize the answer is Hell. Yeah.
Q: Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
A: Sunspots.
Q: Will your answer to this question be no?
A: *head explodes*
Q: Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
A1: No, but I once varnished with some grace.
A2: Yes, in the Philippines.
A3: SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!
Q: Does Death wait for no man?
A: I believe this interpretive dance will explain the situation succinctly.
Q: Why do facist trains run on time?
A: Okay, for the last time: Trains run either on internal combustion, steam, electricity, magnetic levitation, or possibly gigantic mutant Sumatran Hamsters. The day that trains, fascist or otherwise, are made to run on temporal mechanics will be a fine one, but we are so far from that day that it bears no speculation.
Nice try, Shocky, but Akela Knows All. I win, you lose, and now you owe me a backrub; I prefer the Swedish variety.
Who are these children who scheme and run wild
Who speak with their wings and the way that they smile?
What are the secrets they trace in the sky
And why do you tremble each time they ride by?
-- "Your Gold Teeth II", Steely Dan
3 comments:
Akela,
why is it we drive on a parkway and park ona driveway?
oh and by the way... in response to your monty python question(ulaiden african swallow) a swallow is also a breed of bird. and the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden african swallow is roughly equal to 1.5m/s LOL ok i pulled that out of my behind.
Allie =)
Oh, sweetie, I know a swallow is a breed of bird -- I've seen that episode too. But what kind of wolfie would I be if I didn't take every opportunity to be silly? It's in my charter, right on page 337, beneath the one that states that I must never be allowed to eat more than 5 green M&Ms in a row.
Also, I don't know if 'breed' is the correct term... I think 'variety', 'type', or 'genus' might be more correct. Does it matter? Ask the swallows.
Akela, Being a swedish guy, but a very shy and innocent one(!), I ask you: What is a Swedish backrub?
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